Here I come thy mother to rest in your loving lap

Here I come thy mother to rest in your loving lap

(based on several true incidents)


Here I was a small babe, a growing pearl in the oyster,
In your warm loving cocoon , full of sunshine love and happiness.

It'll be a cosy world, didn't you promise, my dear mother,
But i remember the bright memories, the glowing twinkling memories of life.

The first steps in the garden and the run in the courtyard, the first cycle and the first fall.
The way father guided me, a strict teacher, yet a loving friend.

I was safe, secure in this warm haven, Ma
Then why did darkness descend on me.

What wrong did i do in my innocent years,
To descend my steps to the grave.

Whom did I harm in my growing years,
to suffer a life time and a after life of pain ?

Here I come thy mother to rest in your loving lap.

I remember in my growing years,
A life care-free, abundant with dreams and happiness.

Whatever charm life had, I couldnt ever fathom the gloomy clouds approaching.

What was that day, what was the time, when you decided to say good bye.

I was seven, full of life,
Where you were brimming with another life.

I longed for a sibling,
Someone with whom I could play in the courtyard.

I waited for the whole night,
It was a dark stormy night,

Father & I waited anxiously,
the village doctors worked around the clock.

I was waiting for you at the dawn,
to see a little baby in my arms.

The dream was here, it just got dark by nightmare,
A slight halo appeared beside me,
And I could hear your sweet voice say to me-
"Good bye, my dear angel. I am leaving now,
Our sweet baby requires some rest. And we are tired now, going to sleep.
Be strong my angel, my baby girl.
Take care of yourself and your daddy too.
I shall be forever with you, watching and guiding you."


My dear mother closed her eyes and with her went the lights from my eyes.
I sat down on the rickety bench and my seven year old heart wept with all the remorse in the world.

I looked up at my father, he looked dull,
as if the very life had been taken out of him.

We went home, it was the longest night.
And the rain also shared our grief, down came slashing the roaring waters,
The clouds were playing a dark symphony today.

Who knew what the coming days would bring ?

Dear mother, if only you had taken with me,
But its all over now like everyone says,
Dear mother, I come to rest in your loving lap.

Days passed by, and the nights sailed,
Without you dear mother, the years floated by,
dear mother how I missed you so ..
only my heart would tell.

One day, few years later, I was 11,
all blooming budding flower, happy
and free in my own little world.

My pain was numb, dear mother, I missed you so.
Yet I had learnt that the world passes by.

Father & I were settled into a routine,
He tilled the farm, and i looked after home,
We were a neat team, Father and daughter,
Strongest bond of all.

Like all good things come to an end,
this came to an end too,
the bond in the beginning, killed me in the end.

An evil seed in making, a thought inkling,
A dark red fire, it was the very devil awakening.

It was a hot summer day, sultry sun cursing humans with more heat.
I rested on the cot, during the high hot summer night,
where the moon was nowhere in sight,
It was the darkest night and a night of dark infinity.

My father came to me, as i was chasing my innocent wishes in the dreams.
He touched with a touch, that a daughter is not aware of.
He tore my soul and ripped me off my innocence.

What was I coming to ? Who had i become,
from a daughter of loving parent, to a shameful creature filled with guilt and remorse.

Where had i gone wrong, that my father touched me.,
the very devil who was dancing within me,
Why had the evil lust  overtaken the innocence of my childhood ?
Why was I being disrobed of my soul every night
I couldnt stand it anymore, I couldnt face it anymore.

There was nothing I could do, except to cry and die everyday,
Then come one day, darker than the others,
I looked at myself in the mirror, I was a changed girl,
I figured out, a seed growing inside me,

A life unborn, unwanted trying to make a way in this cruel world.
I thought, whether it would be right, perhaps a way to free myself,
from the clutches of my protector,

But how would I tell my father, that father you are the father of my child.

He slapped me, he fractured me, he tore me to bits and pieces, first with a knife, then with an axe.
And then in the evil anger, he strangled and removed the life out of me.

I stayed there, half dead, half alive , half wishing to be dead.
Who wants to be alive with such heartless memories,

Let me redeem myself, let me heal, I must have done something wrong to get my soul burnt.

I died beneath the peepal tree,
buried with haste, buried with sinked emotions,

My soul hovered around, It flew around the tree, bodyless, aimless and finally free.

My father that man, that strange man, that shadow of a father, walked free in drunken stupor.

I saw him from the sky above,
And yet i was helpless just like when i was alive.

I walked free among the souls, He walked free among the tormented souls,
Was he even searching his heart for guilt,

Or did he move on from one guilt to another from one murder to another,

I was hurt beyond death & yet death was relief.

Roaming in my new deathless attire, I rested in a temple.
It was a temple, where Goddesses were prayed,

All adorned in red sari, there were danglers, dazzled & studded with diamonds.
There were people worshipping her & I noticed that the Goddess was a woman too.

Did the Goddess died inside me, then ?
or did the Goddess died inside everyone else ?

It was a strange, nagging constant thought, that we worshipped Goddesses,
yet people killed us too.

Where was the Goddess then, Where were the temples then ?
Why don't we built temples for sinners then ?
Who walked free, while the Goddesses were being burnt,

Where were the holy songs then, why were the Goddess praised ?
Only to be in shackled in chains, their voices forever silent.
Where were we then, where are they now ?

Weren't we all powerful, all knowing and yet we were killed too.

Small innocent limbs, devoid of childhood, invisible blood flowing in the drains.

Where was the Goddess then ?
Did she die with us too ?
Our Goddess was a woman & yet you killed women too.

And I realized I was just a tired soul, weary with all the travelling,
weighing down with so many questions.
I was an injured Goddess and a mortal girl too.

But I was dead, buried under the tree,
Dear mother I am so tired,

Here I come thy mother, to rest in your loving lap.